Funeral Homes: Family Owned Industry

A funeral home is rarely a place a person wishes to be. The pain of grief and loss, or even the fear of a collection of dead bodies render it an often undesirable destination.

“I think a lot of people still think of funeral homes as creepy or scary,” said Kevin Brennan, owner of Kevin Brennan Family Funeral Home. “There are a lot of myths and stereotypes we have to work past.”

For some Topeka families, like Brennan’s, the funeral business is both a career and a way of life. Four owners shared their stories about life running a funeral home.

Defying the Myths and Stereotypes

Brennan is a part of a family legacy of funeral home owners. Brennan’s father and uncle worked in the funeral home that his grandparents had opened together.

In Brennan’s house as a child, there was a strict code of silence whenever the phone rang, in case the caller might be looking for funeral services.

There were many nights when Brennan and his siblings would be sound asleep when their father made it home from the office, and he would be gone again long before they woke up. Brennan recalls a sense of pride in what his father did, and said he admired the comfort his father was able to offer families.

Brennan and his wife Mary now own the Kevin Brennan Family Funeral Home, which they opened in 2001. Their daughter, Jennifer Brennan-Emmert, is also a funeral director and embalmer for the home.

“I love the fact that I am working with my wife and my daughter every day,” Brennan said. “We truly are family run.”

Owning a funeral home is a second career for Brennan, who worked for Southwestern Bell for many years before his retirement there. He dismisses what he says are rampant myths and stereotypes about funeral homes, and said he simply loves what he does, and it is something he always hoped to pursue.

“I really believe that we’re doing what we’re supposed to be doing, and that we were meant to do this,” he said. “It’s kind of a calling and we try to treat it as a ministry.”

Brennan said it can be especially difficult to provide services for people and families that he knows personally, which happens often.

“I’ve had people tell me they just don’t know how I do it,” he said. “Or they joke that they don’t ever want to have to do business with me. But, I point out that you want it to be someone you know and trust.”

Embracing Technology

For Ren Newcomer, owner and funeral director of Penwell-Gabel, the funeral business is also a family tradition. Newcomer is a fourth generation funeral-home owner, the most recent in a lineage that began in the 1800s.

“When I got out of school in the 70s, it seemed like everyone was going into real estate or oil or stock and bond,” he said. “But I went into the funeral business, and I’ve enjoyed it here in Topeka my whole life.”

Newcomer purchased Penwell-Gabel in 1978, three years after his graduation from the University of Kansas. He pointed out that being able to run a good funeral home requires not just a strong business sensibility, but also a particular type of person.

“My core being is that of a caregiver,” he said. “I meet with families on what is generally the worst day of their lives – when they lose someone very dear to them – and I think it takes a real caregiver to be able to meet that family’s needs with empathy, but also on a professional level.”

Newcomer lives in Topeka with his wife and two children. Having a locally owned and operated business allows him to offer something special to customers, he said, and it affects the community as a whole.

“My family and Penwell-Gabel’s employees are all a part of the fabric of the community,” he said. “We’re raising children, and participating in schools, in churches, in little league. We work very hard to make the quality of life in our community better, and I think a family business can do that.”

Newcomer said that today’s funeral directors’ challenge lies not in fighting stereotypes or learning to deal with death professionally, but in embracing and incorporating technology into services. Penwell-Gabel has done this in computer and Internet programs that allow families to personalize services, he said.

The 24x7 Career
Ed Popkess is the first in his family to work in a funeral home, but he owns and is a funeral director at Davidsons, which has been locally owned for nearly 90 years.

“I had an opportunity to help the Davidson family keep the business family owned and to maintain the name,” he said. “And I jumped at it.”

In a business where one must be available 365 days out of the year and at nearly all hours, Popkess said it is impossible not to have his career overlap with his lifestyle.

“This isn’t just a business,” he said. “It’s part of your life. You get involved with the families and you take that home to your family. You can’t help but it affect your life. It’s not an eight to five job, it’s 24 hours a day, and that changes your life big time.”

While it has yet to happen in Topeka, Popkess said the move toward large, corporate-owned funeral homes poses a real threat to the integrity of the business.

“I think the funeral industry is a lot like any other industry,” he said. “It’s the ma and pa restaurant versus the McDonalds. It’s just a better feeling when it’s family owned. It changes the community if these businesses go away. There’s a lot to be said for the person owning the home being active in the community and with the people that he serves. It’s just easier to care.”

Calling on Inner Strength
Donna Mathena-Menke, who owns and is a funeral director at Brennan-Mathena Funeral Home, happened into the business without a real plan to do so.

She was originally an elementary-school teacher. Her first husband owned Brennan-Mathena, where she started helping out as a temporary way to help keep the business up and running. She worked there from 1980 to 2000, and then was away for several years, but returned to Topeka and re-bought the home in 2006.

“I didn’t think this would be forever,” she said. “But I just grew to love the people and the work and now I can’t think of doing anything else.”

Dealing with death and grief on a daily basis is a difficult task, she said, and requires personal strength that other careers may not.

“I don’t care how many years you’re in the business,” she said. “There will always be some that are going to be tragic, and difficult to handle. But while the families may be emotionally distraught, our job is to be their potential for strength and to help them through.”

For all funeral home owners, Mathena-Menke said, an evident passion for the job is the key to success.

“Some days are really long,” she said. “But I think if you don’t love this business you shouldn’t be in it. When it’s a calling to you and a way to minister to people, the hours really aren’t important. We don’t punch a clock, we give a service to our community.”
TK